Ruby in the Sky

We’ve all heard it, we’ve all said it… “you can/might/will change your mind”. Yet, as stupid as I’m aware this will sound: I never thought I would be doing it. There are a few things I have had to learn about the different varieties of ‘changing your mind’: maybe they will be helpful for you as well.

Can

It can be difficult to give in, even if it’s mostly to yourself (no? just me? okay.) But ultimately, no matter how set your plan was, how many people you told about it or for how many years you had it: you can change your mind. Of course, this goes hand in hand with willingly taking the responsibility for your choices and their consequences. But that goes for everything in life, really. If you’re not assuming responsibility for your choices and actions, start there.

Might

Okay, yes, it is possible, perhaps even likely that you will change your mind about some things. However, I don’t think this should stop you from doing things. If you’re nervous to commit to something that is not easily reversible, a helpful tool can be to consider what would happen if you did end up changing your mind, and how you could maybe make it easier for yourself to accept this change of heart.

First, consider how reversible or changeable the situation will be. If it’s going to take a lot of money, time or physical pain to do so, consider if there are other ways to deal with a change of heart. An example from my own life (as I view it now) would be tattoos: I currently have four, that I’m very happy with. Over the years I’ve had many ideas of what I would like to get inked, but one idea that I’ve always maintained is that the circumstance is the most important. By this I mean that a tattoo is not just tied to its meaning, but also to the context of my life at the time.

My parents are not huge fans of tattoos and while I’ve wanted to get tattooed since I was probably 14, perhaps younger, I’ve never wanted to hide them from my parents or get them without first informing them, regardless of how effectively I could keep them hidden or how little (legal) power they would have over my decision. This is simply because I would never want my tattoo to be tied to a particularly bad experience – I wouldn’t want to remember a particularly harsh fight or big sense of disappointment every time I stare down my arm, and the same principle works the other way: if I have a good experience getting the tattoo and am in a good place in life when i get it, how I feel about it ten years from now will not be tied only to the design, but also to the happy memories that come along with them. In this case, and I bet there are others as well, dealing with a change of heart is all about framing things differently.

Will

On this one, I can be short: telling someone else how their brain is going to function is a crappy thing to do, whether you’re right or not. Don’t tell people what they are gonna do. They get to decide. Besides, I personally have never felt inclined to behave differently because someone else thought they knew me better than I knew myself.

And in addition, if the sucky people are right: the world won’t end. I refer you back to “you might change your mind”.

Lastly, I would like to point out the following: what do you stand to lose? I think never trying anything because you might not feel the same way later on is doing yourself a great disservice. Life is meant to be lived and mistakes, if they turn out to be that, are part of that game. So go and do things! Then in a week, a month, a year, ten years from now look back and laugh at your own silly decisions or opinions. We are all learning and growing: no one should hold that against you.

And remember: all of this is coming from a girl who once had blue hair and is actively deciding to put her opinions in (digital) print. I should know.

Love,

Ruby