Ruby in the Sky

All you need is love. Love is a many splendor thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. There is much to be said about Crazy, Stupid, Love. A majority of us have or want it and that is part of our nature. Love is safety, warmth, feeling loved and appreciated. So why is it that these days, there’s something wrong with wanting love?

When I was in my first year of high school, I was pretty fearless when it came to love. I couldn’t (and still probably can’t) tell crushes and love apart, but I wasn’t afraid to do something about it. Always in a very high school subtle-but-not-really-that-subtle manner, I found a way to generally find out what the people I was into thought of me. Mostly, it was nothing special; but that didn’t stop me from doing the same thing all over again and letting myself fall head over heels for the next person again.

However, as I grew older, as I’m still doing now, I find myself holding back more and more. I now find myself thinking it’s childish to throw yourself in the deep end like that. I find myself not wanting to get turned down again. I find myself doubting my standards when I want to be both independent and part of a team.

None of these things should be an issue, but they are. And I’m gonna point my blaimy finger at society, because that’s easy. No, really. But I also do truly think society has a lot to do with it. We are all taught what our standards should be from a young age, and having your opinion invalidated because of your age is pretty much a rites of passage. If I were willing to share all that was going on in my early adolescent life, I have reason to think the people I told would’ve laughed and said something along the lines of ‘oh, but you’re still young! This’ll pass! It’s just puppy love.’ All of these things are, in fact, true. I was/am young, it did pass, and it was just a crush. That doesn’t mean the things I felt weren’t real. They were very real. And by telling me to just get over myself, you’re telling me what I feel is stupid. This goes for both adults and peers that want to seem older/wiser.

Another thing is independence. Let me just set this straight: you are allowed to want love. Wanting to have someone by your side is not wrong; it’s human. Feminism, especially in the greater perspective of gender equality as it is now, is not about limiting yourself, it’s about being free to be and do whatever you want just like anyone else. What feminism was originally fighting for, was the chance for women to go to college and have a job. It was about them having the choice to go a different path than the one generally set out for them. As long as you don’t let anyone tell you what to do because of history, you’re golden. Which you shouldn’t anyway because manipulation is not healthy relationship stuff.

And yes, the odds of getting turned down are pretty scary. Does that mean you shouldn’t try? Of course not. I do believe you should consider the situation before you go in, but you can never really know what someone’s mind is at until you ask. It’s okay to be turned down; just keep in mind that it doesn’t make you ugly or dull or otherwise not good. It just means that this person didn’t see what someone else in the future will! In the end, that one person will be worth all the previous heartbreak.

Love is love.

Ruby